Updated: Aug 19
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt.
This quote is another one of my daily mantras. I often find need of it when words hurt me. My HOPE is that it will be a comfort and encouragement for you as well.
Today I literally felt sick to my stomach when a special person from my past delivered a message that was a classic example of "Hurt people hurt people." I explained again that I am genuinely remorseful for the pain I caused years ago. It made me think of the song by Cher "If I Could Turn Back Time"...
I've asked myself that question a few times. What would I do differently? Have you ever asked yourself that question? If we were able to undo the poor choices we made; we wouldn't have necessarily learned the lessons we needed to learn and experienced the growth that defines who we are today.
If I could turn back time and choose God's Will for my life instead of my own, would I? I may have been spared from all the self-inflicted suffering that came as a direct result of natural consequences for my actions. But I also would've missed out on many beautiful life-changing experiences. Human nature would continue to convince me that I'm missing out on all the fun, and I would continue to be irritable, restless, and discontent. Often times, it is extremely difficult for me to place God first at the risk of alienating those who claim to love me. But my utmost loyalty is NOW and always will be for my God. Therefore, when I am asked to break his commands for the sake of saving a relationship my priorities cause me to lose the relationship as excruciatingly painful as that decision may be... To maintain healthy mind, body, and soul, I choose to Let Go and Let God when people hurt me. I find that praying for them is the absolute best thing I can do to breathe again, untie the knots in my belly, and regain some semblance of peace of mind or serenity in my life.
If you could turn back time, would you? Why or why not? What would you change? What ripple effects both positive and negative would that decision have on your current existence? How would it possibly affect others in your life? What if we simply accept the past we can not change and make the best possible choices for our lives moving forward?
I am deeply sorry for the pain I have caused others. The truth is I would do almost anything to repair the damage done. But dishonesty and unfaithfulness to my God is not something I am willing to do [anymore.] To Thine Own Self Be True is another one of my most helpful mantras for accepting and surviving the hardships this life brings. If I have to lie about it and hide it, I have no business doing it. And I can promise you from my difficult life lessons learned that IT [whatever 'it' is] will come back to bite me with consequences guaranteed! No, thank you. That's a hard pass for me.
Thank you for "listening." Hopefully something here resonates with you whether you choose to journal about it, email me directly, discuss it on the open forum page of this blog site, comment here on this post, or simply pray about it--- I welcome your thoughtful participation in any form you are willing to give.
P.S. Here is an excerpt from today's reading and meditation on the Grateful Gwen Channel reminding us yet again to stay in the present moment. Regretting the past with guilt and shame is not beneficial or healthy. Worrying about the future is equally unproductive as shared wisely in the book of Matthew chapter 6 verse 34 eloquently in the words of Jesus, my Savior and Lover of my soul.
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