Every time you go away
You take a piece of me
with you…
Was listening to Mellow 80s music on my pleasant drive to work this morning while focusing on my gratitude list. This song resonnated deeply with me. It was almost as if Paul Young was singing to me about all the times, I have walked away from those I love the most.
God hates divorce. Malachi 2:16
And I understand why. There were many times throughout my relationship with my former husband and my relationship with God that I walked away. My heart is prone to wander (song by Chris Rice) "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing."
Each time I wandered, I took a piece of God and the father of my children with me into the wilderness to learn more painful life lessons as The Potter molds [me] His clay. This metaphor can be found in Jeremiah 18 and many more passages throughout scripture, as well as several songs by quite a few different artists.
Without going into too much detail here about the specific reasons for our divorce; in my transparancy and vulnerablility with you, I will share with you some of the key elements. Through my own distorted perception, personal insecurites, young heart lack of confidence, and messages from my wounds;
(as the book Captivating discusses in great detail--NOW on Grateful Gwen Channel)
https://youtu.be/tD-O1jaMm-I
I ALWAYS felt like I was in competition with other women for my husband's attention and affection.
From my former husband's perspective, I believe he felt like he was ALWAYS in competition with GOD. A battle he seemed to intuitively know he could never win.
As part of my healing and recovery process resulting from my few years in the wilderness, God has gifted me with a new marriage where we both clearly understand and agree wholeheartedly that GOD comes FIRST. It is not even a competition. We both comprehend that if God is our first love, first priority ALWAYS there is no expectation for either one of us to be a Savior or a Hero for the other one. In other words, by truly keeping God number one in our lives, it automatically eliminates toxic codependency.
God is our Rock, our firm foundation. Psalm 18
We know we can trust HIM and HIS WORD to guide our lives, our marriage, our individual faith walks and our spiritual journey as two who have become one flesh as well. Genesis 2:2 Matthew 19:5 Mark 10:8 Ephesians 5:31
My marriage is not perfect, as each one of us are not perfect. But I am CONFIDENT that as long as GOD remains at the top of our pyramid, we will not crumble.
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