No, I’m not signing off permanently.
I may not even be signing off temporarily…
But the enemy sure did try hard tonight to get a stronghold on my self doubt and negative self-talk.
Fortunately for me, it may look like I’m surrounded, but I’m surrounded by YOU [GOD]! This is how I fight my battles!
I definitely feel much relief after processing my thoughts with my husband tonight.
And I want to thank you in advance for allowing me to do a little more “thinking out loud” with you this evening as well.
*Made a good choice today.
*Went to the gym after work for some swim therapy. As already mentioned, that was a positive, healthy choice.
However, I made a poor choice when I took an unfiltered, honest full Speedo body self-portrait in the mirror and then proceeded to spend the entire workout in my head questioning all my perceived flaws and failures.
Rather than finding my rhythm unplugged, getting OUT OF MY HEAD, and experiencing the pleasure of “The Flow” that often times comes so naturally for me swimming laps…
I berated myself for allowing myself to get too comfortable over the past 2 years, and put on unwanted pounds!
Regardless of what all the people say when they tell me “you look so healthy, so beautiful, so much better than when you were too skinny before!”
The obnoxiously loud overpowering voices of distorted perception (the devil inside) in my head all say “They’re all wrong, you’re FAT and LAZY!”
Those same voices also say “It’s time to sign off from all the daily encouraging YouTube videos because no one really cares!”
In spite of the glaringly obvious lack of engagement via likes, comments, suggestions, or ANY kind of feedback (other than from my beloved husband) —
— I continue pressing on —telling myself and you that it’s all for my Audience of One [GOD] …
that as long as I am possibly helping one struggling individual out there on this planet Earth than it’s all worth it.
But MAYBE, just maybe… my time, energy, efforts, skills, gifts, and talents are better utilized doing what I do best which is one-on-one counseling services.
If you are thinking about signing off permanently (suicide) PLEASE RECONSIDER!
My husband talked me down off the proverbial ledge tonight (again I was/am NOT suicidal, just full of distorted self-doubt)
Perhaps someone out there will give me the opportunity to pay it forward and talk you down off the ledge as well.
I shared with my life partner tonight that the BEST part of my workout by far was the floating meditation at the end. My God gave me the mantra of Psalm 46:10 Be Still and Know.
This mantra repeated finally quieted all the unwelcome thoughts in my head before any strongholds could form.
My God breaks every chain and sets me free from the bondage of self!
After this calming peaceful meditation, the other Lover of my Soul, Niel reminded me of my worth and the perfection that he sees no matter what the scale reads! It may all sound like a “manscript” to you, but I actually believe him when he tells me I’m beautiful.
By the way, “Manscripts” is a hilarious video on YouTube— highly recommend!!! Very relatable to husbands and boyfriends everywhere!
NOW back to signing off…
One of the many thoughts this afternoon as I was swimming laps was about possibly changing my sign off tag line should I even choose to continue recording and sharing YouTube videos publicly…
Currently, I make it a habit of ending each encouragement with “He [GOD] L❤️VES you, and so do i” inspired by the brilliant role-model Mister Rogers while loving all of his television neighbors. I don’t want such a powerful word and concept as LOVE to be trivialized or lose it’s significance from over usage with many people I have yet to actually meet in person. I do consider each and every one of you to be my proverbial [Cyber] neighbor. And it’s true the second greatest command is “Love thy neighbor…”
So that’s precisely why I say what I say and do what I do in this passionate Purpose Driven Life!
Similar to the comedic actor Jim Carey in the movie “Bruce Almighty” when he signs off with “And that’s the way the cookie 🍪 crumbles”—
the creative flow swimming 🏊♀️ through my head in the pool today was that my new sign off tag 🏷 line should change to:
“Life is like a box of chocolates 🍫 and so am I… you never know what you’re gonna get!” 😂 Obviously inspired by the great positive thinker Forrest Gump played by the endearing Tom Hanks.
Whatcha all think?!?
And if no one responds to this blog entry, I promise I won’t cry or mope…
because I KNOW where my help comes from!
No need to look in the profile, Link is right here:
P.S. Now that I’m offering up items and services on my Square site, perhaps l will also take their suggestion of offering a subscription for those few who would actually enjoy having access to future YouTube videos limited to a private viewing audience…
God only knows what the future holds!
Until next time,
Life is like a box of chocolates and so am I! You never know what you’re gonna get! :)
He still loves you. 💜 And so do I.
Timmy, the tiny turtle 🐢
Linda, the Ladybug 🐞 from the NBC t.v. series “This is Us”
Turns out until the day is completely over, something good can still happen to remember it by replacing all the negativity that happened before.