Another older post resurrected from 2019 when I was still “a woman in my forties” (barely haha ;) as mentioned below...
Soaking in grace
The S words above are my rare cherished moments of peaceful mind peaceful life—mindfully meditating unplugged from my phone...
Former post backdated 2019-20
A TON has changed since then including but not limited to honoring my values and my GOD & GETTING MARRIED with HIM at the 🔝 of our triangle 🔺
We all have an inner child that yearns to be loved, cared for, and nurtured.
Each of us craves that safe lap in which to lay our head have our hair stroked gently while being heard, comforted and reassured that everything is going to be alright.
We all need that safe space to be transparent, tender, vulnerable and share our fears, hopes, and dreams with another trusted human being.
This is the stuff of true intimacy and love.
This is making love and unconditional caring. To reveal your head, heart, body, and soul including all the joy and the pain is an incomparable gift to give and receive with another hurting and healing human being. It is an honor to be placed in such a position of trust.
It is BEAUTY of the very highest form. It is raw and real and AMAZING. And I cherish those precious powerful moments and memories.
Thankful for my tender, fragile, compassionate inner child. Even more grateful when you allow me the privilege of seeing yours.
Jeremiah 1:5 Set Apart
I have a friend who often accuses me of acting like a little kid. He’s not wrong about that. And I am not offended or insulted by this comment in the slightest. Because I know that he is not referring to my level of maturity. Rather he is addressing my goofy, young, playful spirit, sober glow, and ongoing unquenched desire for fun and adventure! It is a wonderful compliment indeed. Blessed with another friend in the same Tribe who refers to me as PRECIOUS BEAST! That one pretty much speaks for itself. ;)
Was reminded last night that as a “forty something” mature woman that I am quite capable of making my own decisions regarding my love life based on wisdom from life experiences and being fully grown.
My friend was absolutely correct with that assessment. And the truth is I can do whatever I want with whomever I choose whenever I desire (assuming the other person is willing obviously).
But here’s the rub for me personally. Setting aside all the moral and religious convictions I have grown up with and known all of my life there are additional factors at play here as well.
I may be “forty something” it’s true. But deep down inside of me there remains a scared vulnerable little girl. Sometimes it’s a beautiful thing to behold when I experience the joy and innocence as I play and frolick in a meadow or at the park on the swings just like when I was a young girl.
But sometimes it causes me to get deeply wounded emotionally because I attach incredibly intense emotions associated with intimate physical touch. I believe teens today refer to this as “catching feelings”. And they may even take pride in being able to put up an emotional wall and attempt to block any feelings and attachments linked with sex.
I suspect I am not alone in this desperate tug of war between physical and emotional desires and fear of becoming too attached and being hurt.
So I return to what I’ve learned: I am not responsible for my first thought. But I am responsible for my first action. Ultimately I do have the gift and the curse of FREE WILL and it is in fact entirely up to me if I want to risk having my heart broken in an effort to experience some physical pleasures and emotional intimacy. Some days I think it’s absolutely worth the pain. But most days anymore I think God truly has my best interest at heart. If only I can continue to trust in God completely and wait for his plan;
I am confident He will have something so much better in store than I could’ve ever dreamed up, hoped for, or imagined for myself.
Psalm 37:4 The desires of my heart...
He is a promise keeper.
Psalm 89:33 FAITHFUL
Just rewatched Eat, Pray, Love on Netflix. Can totally relate to being on a soulful spiritual journey to find myself. Grateful for this moment today.